An Ode to Alcohol: FAQ

Lets start with a joke here:

What do u call an ode to alcohol made by two people? A diode.

See I am not a sadist. If I was that would have been the end of the blog post with the joke.But since we have reached the unthinkable feet of gettin almost a hundred people to read our crap in the last two days (and an even greater feet of not getin a single exernal comment on any of our posts so far..take a hint) I am obliged to post some meaningful text here. That doesnt necessarily mean that I will…bt in the mean time have fun reading more junk:

Wig: So here’s my contribution (in a different colour) to make this ode a di-ode. 😀 Keep reading, you won’t be disappointed.

The following are FAQ on them ..they might be the concise text u might be lookin for to know it all

1) Is beer an alcoholic beverage?

Ans) NO! and I know most people wont agree so I have proof which you can try out for yourself. The first proof is that it doesnt get you drunk.

Wig: The guy who wrote the 2 lines on top has a serious health condition – he cannot get drunk. Alcohol just does not seem to stick to his body. I’m actually considering conducting some more tests and publishing it in the Annals of Improbable research. and who knows?! I might just bag the Ig Nobel prize one day.

The second more experimental method is the following (even the above one is quiet practical..and my results have been repetitive). Fact:Alcohol burns.

Experiment: While doing a barbeque try to increase the flame on the coal by pouring some beer on it from a bottle. The fire goes out.What might seem an anomoly is proof that beer is infact just a flovored water substitute.

Wig: Now I’ve to support it. Alcohol burns, but this thing just wouldn’t – because there’s too much of non-alcohol stuff mixed with it.

2) What are the advantages of drinking too much?

Ans) Well most biology students would tell you that 70% alcohol is used as anti microbial.Also 75% alcohol helps in cleaning DNA in most isolation steps.So if you do drink 75% blood alcohol level it basically means :

All the pathogens will die in your body ,which means they wont harm you. Also ur DNA will become realy clean so that take care of those genetic pain in the ass diseases(diabetes,cancer,etc)

Wig: 75% alcohol in your blood also means you ARE DEAD. There’s no way you’re going to survive that much of alcohol, not even muscles. And I strongly recommend the following experiment suggested by muscles to be published in the Annals of stupid research. Come on! It’s plain studpid.

And if that wasnt proof enough then I prescribe another easy to do experiment:

Materials reqd: Alcohol(whiskey,rum preferable but doesnt matter) , A glass beaker , A worm

Method: Take a glass beaker and fill it with half a bottle of rum. Put the worm in the beaker. Drink from the bottle half of the rum that was left while the worm slowly dies.

So this is conclusive proof that if you drink rum you wont get worms.So it takes care of the parasitic diseases too.

Wig: Like I said earlier, plain stupid.

We all know about the good effects of Red wine so i dnt need to state those.

Wig: Good effects of red wine, I must agree with muscles.

3) Is it true that drinking Beer with a straw can get you drunk faster?

Ans) Please read FAQ 1 again. No, it doesnt get you drunk faster.But doing that it might appear that you are drunk.

4) Is it also true that having sugar over alcoholic drinks gives you a more of a high?

Ans) Tried that. Din’t work.Din’t think it wud.

Wig: Tried that. Works. Not just sugar, even chocolate helps. I believe it would work on humans. I am yet to find out to which species muscles belongs to.

5) Is it ok to pay 7 euros for a bottle of beer?

Ans) Only if you are in a foreign country and forget to ask about their prices before. Otherwise its stupid.

Wig: Of course it isn’t okay to pay seven freaking bucks for a bottle of beer. Even if you’re in a foreign country; even if you forgot to ask about the prices; even if you’re stupid. Paying seven bucks for a bottle of beer is plain stupidity, come what may. And my co-authour is a living example of one.

6) Which county has the greatest per capita consumption of beer?

Ans) Czech Republic. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.What ever happened to keepin India on top? Cummon..I’m doing my part

Wig: I’m doing my part too. 😀 But who cares if they have the highest per capita consumption of beer. Drink it if you like it.

Tagged , , ,

2 thoughts on “An Ode to Alcohol: FAQ

  1. sankalp srivastava says:

    mind numbing..

  2. srishti says:

    bogus…. bilkul teri tarah

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