Dude! Where’s my Carb ? : The weightloss guide

Time to cash in on the craze. People have always tried to find ways to stay in shape. And most of the times they are fleeced into taking stupid advices and go to any extent to achieve the perfect shape…so we decided to try our luck and put forward some of our own “remedies” with guarenteed “results” :

1) The Amazing Neck Flex :

Head exercise

  • This simple excercise has been found most effective. It is as follows- Sit in a relaxed position. Then move your head to the left side. Then move it to the right. And repeat.
  • Do this excersise whenever someone offers you food. The results would be outstanding!

2) The Liquid and See food diet

Beer belly

  • Well do not be confused. It is’nt the liquid and sea food diet. It is the liquid and see food diet.Liquids may include water but other liquids such as vodka, beer (oh i think i mentioned water before), whiskey work better. See food includes any food that you may see. People would be amazed by your new perfect figure( In my defence, a  Sphere is a perfect 3 dimensional figure)

3) The Einstein E=MC^2 technique

  • This method was described by some theoretical physicists (ok..it was me ).Its simple and anyone with an advanced course in physics would just see that. It goes like this: instead of eating healthy and losing weight what one can do alternatively is gorge on chocolates ,ice cream and potato chips. When this happens there is an exponential increase in your weight. Assuming a constant gravitaional acceleration the weight increase can be corelated to your actual mass.
  • Once you gain enough mass the gravitational force generated by you would be enough to bend space-time around you and hence also light. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out the result of that..since light bends around you you look perfectly slim ..
  • (A word of caution..an alternate theory also suggests you might turn into a black hole and suck everything to the point of singularity…Hell, either ways you won’t have to worry about your flab!..aka win win situation)

Now for those people who want to look slim without the efforts i present the cheap tricks to look slim without doing anything:

  1. If under 16 years of age: Wear your Dad’s clothes. If over 16 make your unique sense of fashion to be wearing small tents .You can always tell people how comfortable they are.
  2. Befriend  really fat people and always stay with them.
  3. Get yourself a giant Teddy bear and insist that you love it and take it everywhere you go.(Doesn’t realy work well for guys though..but your free to try your luck)
  4. Get a boyfriend/girlfriend who is atleast three times your bodyweight

Hope this solves your worries..

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One thought on “Dude! Where’s my Carb ? : The weightloss guide

  1. Vidhya says:

    Very useful weightloss tips from somebody who binges one day and fasts the next and seeks out very skinny and/or tall people as friends. Very enlightening…. People hit the gym to get washboard abs when they can just relax at home and gorge on chocolate, ice cream and potato chips–who said they won’t have washboard abs? They’ll just be covered with laundry, that’s all.

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