Indian Halloween


India is a country of many religions and hence many festivals. We at W&M feel that its still not enough and that there is no such thing as too many festive holidays. So here is our cheap yet almost well thought out attempt(thought about it for a whole minute) to popularize a festival we feel deprived off.

Though it’s no news that Halloween isn’t really a big thing in India it puzzles us how such a country can exclude such a holiday from the calendar (usually jam-packed with random holidays most not even known to most). What is more puzzling is that this place has ample substrate (such as our fans, Ramsey brothers, other jobless people) to become a big craze here.

So here we go with our Indianized Halloween (Indiween, perhaps?)

Before I give out our attempt I would like to make it clear that we are running on very limited knowledge and that our sensitization to the phenomena of Halloween has been through only few (though highly rich sources) which are presented to you below in an irritating list type format:

  1. The Simpsons Tree House of horror (I to XX and counting)
  2. Cartoons
  3. People putting up their Halloween party photos
  4. Farmville decorations (I can’t believe we haven’t lampooned that here yet, *coming soon* though – and here’s a little teaser below)

Farmville app, farmville app,
Does whatever a facebook app does,
Cant it help, predict your death?
No it can’t, cuz it sucks so bad,
Look out ——— here comes the farmville app!

For the benefit of ignorant idiots who do not follow the tune, here is the raagam and shruti you are to maintain while singing (courtesy Hans Zimmer on spider pig). Or even the original spiderman song, look out!

Moving on, here is how we think Halloween can make a smooth transition into an Indian Festival:

Buri Nazar Waale Teera Mu kaala/ Shaitan Masks

jackimages

Forget the Jack-o-lantern. Pumpkin will forever be used to prepare that  yellow stuff which no one really likes. Also mom’s would forever complain about the amount of mess carving a pumpkin will create. Instead of that we recommend the use of Shaitan Masks which are easy to hang too. For people who are ugly passport sized photos can be blown up and used to similar effect (that means you Wig).

Wigs update: for the benefit of those unaware of south Indian traditions, shaitan-painted watermelons (or drishti poosanikkais) are a brilliant-real-size-Jack-o-lantern-eqiuvalent! And as with passport sized photographs being blown-up, muscles arguably makes the worsht hollow-een costume. 😛

Trick or Treat

It is very strongly recommended that this tradition be lifted without any alteration. No one is cheating me out of sweets and chocolates.

5 minutes silence for the Ramsey Brothers and the Zee horror show119b9ro

Halloween seems to be the ideal time to worship the efforts of these visionary producers/directors/ i dunno.

A 5 minutes silence for these people should be observed (we still don’t know how many Ramsey brothers there are).

We also suggest a movie marathon consisting of the following would make the occasion spectacular : Purani Haweli , Purana Mandir, Aahat(Main switch auf mat karna episode), one movie of your choice (choices being limited to Jason Statham and  Mithun Chakravarty)

Costumes

We hope that people would pick costumes that have an Indian flavour to it. Here are certain things we think people should and should not choose for costumes:

Recommended:

  • Dracula (from Ramsey brother’s movie)
    betaal
  • Betaal (of the Vikram and Betaal fame)
  • Dr. Rakael (Cheap Chacha Chaudhari rip-off version of Dr. Jekyll)
  • Samri( The monster of Purana Mandir– another EPIC)
  • Shyam Ramse
  • Female lead of Purana Mandir
  • Ravana , Rakshas, etc.
  • Prominent leaders of Congress Party(oops almost strayed into politics there)
  • Prominent leaders of BJP (and here)
  • Wigs
  • Muscles

Not recommended (no seriously, don’t try these):

toil

  • Dracula (Just too common and foreign)
  • Rakhi Sawant (you might just get slapped)
  • Any Character from the movie Twilight (for a clear idea, look right)
  • Any *celebrity* from Is jungle se mujhe bachao (FIGHT THE URGE)
  • Yourself

THATS ALL FOLKS! Happy Halloween

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