Note: This one is only for guys. Because there is no point of convincing females on this.
No no..before you people reach any conclusions this post is not a review of the much awaited movie ” New Moon” . It is but the much awaited mockery of it. And if you wonder why exactly we think it deserves a public-pooh-throwing ( PPT- patent pending..screw you microsoft) you will definitely have clarity after you are through reading this.
For starters I am incapable of writing a review for a movie which I cannot and will not watch. The only thing left to do is to blog about why that’s the case.
For re starters…It is the sequel to the book/movie/brain-blender Twilight(a movie I did see in parts. In parts, cause I had to run out to puke for most of the time).
Here we present some of the valid reasons why we can’t and you shouldn’t attempt this movie:
1) I have seen many movies but have not had nightmares about any of them except this time -and that’s even before its release
2)The movie makes a mockery of Vampires(which are super awesome)
–>by portraying them as glittering fairies(which obviously are not remotely awesome)
–>Unlike the awesome vampires that only suck blood the ones in this series only suck.
3)While you are watching the movie and are into the first 10 minutes you will feel a strange sensation. You will soon realize after 5 more minutes that your balls have vanished. Further more, chronic exposure can have even more adverse effects such as losing all manly characters and a sudden liking for (god forbid) pop music.
Here are a few ways that can serve as an indicator if any of your friends has been exposed to Twilight/New Moon
–>He will cease to be he
–>He would be found humming/gyrating to a Backstreet Boy song
–> He will tell you how awesome the movie is
But worry not. Even if these symptoms do present themselves we are there to help our die hard fans. Here is what to do–>
1)Slap that sucker good
2)Show him the complete rocky/rambo collection followed by Salmaan Khan’s Wanted. ( You may alternatively just show him Jason Stathum’s movie “Crank” two times in quick succession- this may do some major brain damage though.)
3)By him a nice dress, a pair of shoes and get his name legally changed to a female one.