Category Archives: Category 2

Running east-bound

Research is something that both wigs and muscles of wigsandmuscles embrace. All forms of it: the good, the bad and the ugly. We often recommend the Ig Nobels, or how you could write consistently boring scientific articles (Sand-Jensen, 2009).

Beyond our quirks, wishes and likes, there has always been one big fascination: that be the class of classy research that stands a whole class apart. Which rises to great heights, and instantly excites anyone (that’s what she said). Take our previous post for example, where we elaborately discuss to what lengths research has gone. An important aspect to take note of is the geographic location of such emenating research: Japan, Australia and Great Britan often stand in tight competition. However, Australia outshines its close competitors. Here are some examples of why Australia is shining:

  • John Michael Keogh’s wheel, having been awarded the Innovation Patent #2001100012 for describing a circular transportation fecilitation device.
  • Perceived attractiveness of penis length to women based on computer generated manequins. Pioneering research at the Australian National University.
  • This study on disappearing teaspoons in Australia.

Now, having given enough proof, and after years of joking and jesting about them, we have stumbled upon a difficult but not necessarily “sad”. Our very own muscles is heading to the kangaroo-land in a day, forcing us to shift our world headquarters and make it truly international. On behalf of every strand of folicle there is in this Wig (which has regrown btw), I wish you a bon voyage!! Go kill some prostate cancer! Godspeed muscles, godspeed.

Some wood, please

Both muscles and I are hardcore fans of science. All forms of it: be it amateur, self-indulgent, experienced or even nasty. So while we applaud the noble nobel and watch in amazement at the Ig-Nobels, we do ponder at the efforts of several who startle us with their sheer genius. Take this for example, a comprehensive study on fellatio prolonging copulation time in fruit bats. Needless to say, I did not feel the excitation to read further, despite the free-full-text exposure made by both PLOS-One and PubMedCentral (you should try out their new Pubreader btw – its really good).

But something else aroused our curiosity today, and with dampened spirits, we got discussing about another article. It deals with the perception of male attractiveness by some women in Australia and the correlation to the size of  the penis. Yes, Penis. And this paper was in the PNAS, so don’t get confused between the two. So we had read the abstract, and it led to a rather long discussion. I now present on to you, the “full length” of it:

W: Oh and dude, I found an article which was fifty thousand times worse than the bat blowjob paper.

M: Really? What, bats in a devil’s three-way?

W: No, this one’s about a correation between penis size and male attractiveness. And here’s how did they did it: they simulated male manequins on computers using a 3d generation software, projected them on a wall, had women of various age groups rate the attractiveness, and then they correlated attractiveness to penis size.

M: So did they do a double blind?

W: No, but they published it here:

M: this got published in PNAS? 😮 They’re total d**ks. Oh wait… right!

M: Good by Japan… Hello Australia! (In line with our great appreciation of Japanese research to venture out into similar (what we feel) useless research)

W: Yes, there’s a stiff competition.

M: Yeah..and it gets harder every day! So  does the paper cum to a conclusion?

W: Yes, but sooner than later. Rather premature, I must admit!

W: Oh wait, they even have supplemental material.

M: So they were premature, even on supplements.

W: Yup, despite the supplements, I don’t think they penetrated deep enough into the subject.

M: Well I think they discussed it in length and must have wanted to put the whole thing behind. But putting it in PNAs is just blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

W: Now it seems more like they are soliciting the stuff to Canada. The author who came first in the paper has shifted across the globe.

M: Maybe he was looking for a better position. Or this wasnt really his thrust area.

W: I never thought P’NaS would get so desperate to put their stuff into any void space in research.

M: Yes this would probably help him to get on top of things now.

W: But looking at the paper, it seemed to me like the women were the ones on top.

M: That seems hard to swallow.

… and with that we ended our review of the links between Australian research, penis length (simulated) and their attractiveness to women.

P.S.: I recently upgraded to the google hangout experience on gmail. And it rather sucks when we need to copy conversations for recreational purposes such as this.

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Air travel, statistically the safest and most boring way of travel. I don’t know whether it’s the recycled air or the fact that the the captain changes his mind  every minute whether it’s better to keep the seat belts on or off, but I have always preferred the trains to the planes. As a rule of thumb, the seat belt sign can be expected to be turned on right when your bladder thinks enough is enough. Or it could be the other way round and it could be almost like a Pavlovian response that whenever the seat belt sign is “on” you feel like you have to answer nature’s call. Anyway…I digress as usual. Today’s agenda in about airline food. Contrary to the popular opinion that airline food is bad (something which is similar to ” the mess food is always bad” condition), I quite enjoy it.

All that was about to change this time as I embarked on my most recent journey aboard a plane bound from Calcutta to New Delhi via Chennai via Bangalore (they do run them like private buses. I inquired at the airport once why does the board say the plane is going to Bangalore and not Delhi, the response to which reminded me of one of my Dad’s jokes that I have heard too many times to count. Thus I will not share it here to preserve whatever sanity that is left. Anyone interested to hear it can let me know ). It wasn’t the food as such. I must say that the Chicken Junglee Sandwich was quite worth the 190 buks I spent on it  (there IndiGo, here’s your precious costumer feedback! Now stop sending me those darn emails). Usually I concentrate on food and not on its packaging.  But this time, as I was already a scholar of the in flight menu and knew the in flight magazine by heart, I began to observe the packing of the sandwich ( I must mention here that I did eat the sandwich and washed it down with an Ice tea way before I found the packing interesting. I finished it before Samuel MF Jackson could say  ” I’ve had it with these motherf**** snacks on this motherf*** plane ! (-adapted from the epic movie Snakes on a Plane)).

It is then that I realized that what I had just eaten was not the Chicken Junglee Sandwich at all. was something completely different..never could I have imagined that what I had just filled my stomach with was not a sandwich…it was instead an AIRWICH !!! Now just when I had thought all of reality was crumbling around me and I was about to be sucked into an alternate dimension or ,as the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons would put it, Bizaro World, it was the package that saved me. On the side of the panel was a narrative, which oddly enough seemed to be inspired from a amalgamation of several Bollywood story lines involving twins separated in childhood in the Kumbh mela (Kumbh mela is a the auspicious festival of bathing in the river Ganga that occurs every 4 years in the city of Allahabad , much like the Olympics or the cricket world cup, just not that entertaining. For those who are wondering when the Olympics or the cricket world cup was held in Allahabad, please stop reading this blog from now. Our job here is done).

Well continuing with the story, which was written in Hindi in the Devanagari script (a cheap way to irritate South Indians and North Indians alike). The story spoke of (and I shit you not, I have the box still and can send a scanned copy to those of little faith) two brothers the Airwich and the Sandwich that were separated from each other in the Kumbh mela. Airwich was adopted by a pilot and became a pilot while the Sandwich was abducted by bandits and taken to the famous desert of Chambal and hence turned to a life of crime. One day while Airwich was flying over the sand of Chambal, he saw the Sandwich and instantly realized it was his lost brother.He dropped a letter for him and the Sandwich wrote his reply in the sand for the Airwich to see. Though both wanted to meet each other they could not due to the fact that the Sandwich was on the ground and the Airwich was always in the sky. But though they never met it is said that the messages can still be seen in the sands of Chambal. <story ends>. Now I don’t know what to make of this..either someone got really drunk and thought of this and someone got even more drunk and approved of it or someone should make a movie on it and see what happens to it (well everyone thought Snakes on a plane would turn out bad but did it?…..NO IT DID NOT!). But that was just one side of the packing. While I was still recovering from this heart warming/irritating/ slightly spooky(?) story I saw that the other sides and flap of the packing also had somethings on it. (Such powers of observation are usually not something I am known for. I am usually a ignorant and hence blissful idiot.) On one of the side there was a section entitled (again in hindi) ” Dimagi Kasrat” or Mental exercise. A more fitting name would be mental torture ( I must say some of the   riddles did border on things not really approved by the human rights charter.. exibit A :multiply 3454545 x 355899545 without a calculator). And finally when I thought the worst is over I see a small song on the flap of the cover (which I don’t think there is any sense in translating here).

The only thing I learnt from this was to just get an Ice tea next time and carry my own parathas.

<abrupt end?>

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The ultimate truth

Now, we all know about Heisenberg’s Uncertainty principle that elucidates the wave-particle duality of photons. For those of you who don’t speak English – I’m citing wiki:

In quantum mechanics, the uncertainty principle is any of a variety of mathematical inequalities asserting a fundamental limit on the precision with which certain pairs of physical properties of a particle, such as position x and momentum p, can be simultaneously known.

Clear enough? If not, go google it. If that also doesn’t help, this link might be handy. Moving on, we also know that Erwin Schrödinger explained in 1935 about a cat: popularly known as Schrödinger’s cat – to better explain the problem he saw with the Copenhagen Interpretation of Quantum Physics. Sheldon Cooper has also clearly explained the state for you lesser mortals who do not understand simple quantum physics:

Now, moving on. We at wigsandmuscles are constantly exploring the universe for the ultimate truth, or several ultimate truths. Not that we always find them, but we nevertheless strive for them. It was upon one such journey that we found the awesome Schrödinger’s potty. Indian in origin, of course. We stumbled upon this when we embarked on a final trip to get rid of muscles from our world HQ. The explanation, with legend in pictorial fashion is elucidated below for simple references:

As you can clearly see, from the picture, that while the Western Closet (abbreviated as WC, which could easily be confused with a Water Closet) is vacant, the Indian Closet is both vacant and occupied at the same time. Now this could be interpreted at various levels, I can think of at least 12. But what is more important is that this Indian potty – or the Indian-style lavatory is live example of the dilemma that could be used to explain the problem of the Copenhagen principle. This potty, is both vacant and occupied, and we con’t able to find out for sure unless we get into the potty if it was truly just vacant or occupied.

Alternately, the sensor might have been f’ed up. Oh yeah, that would explain a lot. 😉

P.S.: The inspiration to this post couldn’t have been materialized if I wasn’t able to take that picture. Which was highly likely considering my Samsung Corby Plus (read Plus, not Pro) was on low battery and the otherwise-good camera fails to work at important moments. Which is why I must extend a warm note of appreciation and thanks to our good friend code_name_ericcson_007 (whose identity I con’t able to reveal at this point). She has a blackberry smart phone and it was with that blackberry curve smartphone that this smart-ass picture was clicked. Thank ye!

Of Parks and Elephants and other Useless Buildings

They say elephants never forget. Elephants are the largest mammals on land, have tusks and a characteristic trunk. Enough about elephants. Lets move onto parks.

Though I try not to write about anything related to politics this one borders more in the realm of stupidity than politics so I will give it a go.  A park, recently inaugurated in Noida, has been in the news(since it seems to have altered life as we know it), and I couldn’t have cared less if the park wasn’t in Noida( thats where I’m from) or if it wasn’t filled with statues of elephants among other things.

While some have debated whether it cost 685 crores or it was a waste of 700 crores I really don’t care too much about that. Just that any amount of money to be spent on something like this defies logic. And as in the case of any logic defying situation, we, at W&M are here to provide clarity on the topic.

Ironically, (ironically this might not be the correct use of irony), a conversation with another friend, Katy Jane( names have been changed as usual to protect our fans from other fans)  of mine from school (also in Noida) led me to write this for the general public.  And though the park won’t be open to visitors while I visit Noida, it hasn’t really dampened my spirit to dampen the statues the next chance I get ( u may send in your contributions- gallons of water, beer, fruit juice, videos of flowing water, etc).

Now the task of explaining how this disaster could have happened, and a monument of this proportion could come into existence is difficult to convey simply in words. So after careful analysis our experts at W&M were able to put together this simplified mechanism which can be seen below. On closer observation you would be able to see that a lot of retarded things that happen in this country follow a similar path to completion..So here it is..Marvel in its simplicity..

Wig update:

While I am not too keen on writing of politics, I should contribute my two paisa to this post. And if you are actually worried about politics, I got a friend who is all incorrect about it – check this out. So, coming back to this elephantic talk, I think there is just too much money being wasted on useless stuff – thereby making us waste more time on writing on these useless stuff, and making you waste time reading all this useless stuff (although the last point I/we gain evil pleasure from). Like for instance, this:

Yes, this building in this picture was to be the new Secretariat-come-StateAssembly for Tamil Nadu, and this beautiful building is in Singaara Chennai (which is where I come from). Darn it Muscles, now both of us have had to reveal our identities. So this one was built by the old government, then it was shelved the day the new government came into power. And perhaps five years from now it would have been put into use. But thanks to a useless guy giving a darn about taxpayer’s money putting up a public interest litigation, the government decided to “use” that building by converting it into a multi speciality hospital. How? By blowing up another ~200 crore rupees (to make the building hospital-able). It just blows my brains out at times.

And all that I can think of looking at these “monumental” waste of money, is the following equation (and yes, unlike the other co-founder to this “epic blog/organization”, I am good with math):

So, take your time, think well, and vote for us tomorrow in the local body elections. No free biriyani, no money for votes, just more useless posts. And no, we aren’t contesting.

P.S.: This post has been dedicated to our good friend and colleague Roonam Pajak (name changed to protect her identity).

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The journey

This is not just another post. This is history being re-written. Speaking of history, I have always been into changing history. Like the time in class eight, when I wrote in my history exam paper that the cold war was called so because it was fought during winter in cold Siberian deserts. But this isn’t that kind of history. Or any kind of history at all. It is the kind of history that everyone reads: young/old, man/woman/transgender (keeping in line with the Punjab government), normally abled/differently abled, immigrants/residents, DJs/those who aren’t DJs, Air pilots/those who don’t fly planes, and just everyone. The kind of history that everyone was looking for. The kind of history that would . . . hang on, where was I?

You see, history and I don’t get along too well. It tried to kill me twice and succeeded once. But as we all know, history is dead and I am alive. So, now you tell me who’s the boss of who?

This day (technically yesterday, but there was a real stupid post on transformers – I mean, seriously – I have no words) is the day we commemorate the joining of our fiftieth facebook page fan. Now I haven’t spent enough time to go check who that lucky 50th fan was, but let me tell you one important piece of advise in management mister-mysterious-fiftieth-fan:

In the words of Michael Scott, “My philosophy is basically this: And this is something I live by. I always have; and I always will. Don’t ever … for any reason … do anything … to anyone … for any reason … ever … no matter what … no matter where …  or who or whom you are with … or where you are going … or where you’ve been … ever .. for any reason whatsoever…”

<end of post>

P.S.: To commemorate the 50 fans to our facebook fan page, we’re introducing the first golden jubilee logo:

Well, now that that’s taken care of, let’s open a Google+ fan page. I’m back, bitches! 😀      Muscles’ update: Palas 1 (+1) to that

and now introducing the second golden jubilee logo

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There is a certain relief in change, even though it be from bad to worse!  As I have often found in travelling in a stagecoach, that it is often a comfort to shift one’s position, and be bruised in a new place.

– Washington Irving

Now we could go on discussing about Washington’s grammatical accuracy, Irving’s literary knowledge or change. How’s that for a change? Although some non-change activists might belittle change to be a mere six letter word starting with c, ending with e with a ‘hang’ in between. But we at wigs and muscles respect change, and we bring it to you here – in terms of our new header, which is this:
It is new and improved indeed – or not, like Eric Cartman would say. We have even rephrased the mundane ‘Wigs & Muscles’ to an exciting new ‘Muscles & Wigs’ – and one thing is certainly going to improve for the better: the amount of bull crap that is going to run on these pages here on. So without wasting much time in reading yesterday’s useless Muscular post, I shall present you the old header (for those of you are nostalgic about w&m):
That ends this post. Bye.