Category Archives: Category 3

WAMming


Wigs: Dude, let’s WAM!!

Muscles: What’s WAM?

Wigs: Did you ask that while the TV’s were WAMming about Zoot?!

Muscles: No, because I didn’t care what Zoot meant.

Wigs: Why do you not care? This is the problem with you Indians. You don’t care about what goes on on TV, and when someone says something to you while they make a blog-post, you go all “dude what does that mean”. It’s almost as if:

Wigs (contd.): There’s just no end to your un-understanding.

Muscles: Don’t you mean mis-understanding.

Wigs: See?! You see?! There’s no end to your un-interpretations.

Muslces: “MIS”interpretations.

Wigs: Did I miss something?

Click here to read full post

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Dedicated to W&M


With the launching of W&M 2.0 we would like to dedicate this song to Wigs and Muscle. This poem goes out to all W&M fans whichever loony bin they are currently in.

They say this blog is nonsensical,

and reeks of filth and crap;

and that they liked us on facebook too

was because of a devious trap.

When there’s so much news to spread around

and issues important are abound,

we don’t really seem to care

whatever is rubbish you’l find it here.

Our language is poor

and spellings are off,

our jokes are hackneyed

and our designer’s an oaf.

For cheap publicity to any level we’ll stoop

for an audience of a million nincompoops.

So on this highly poetic note

We put this up on popular vote

By the stupid and for the stupider

forever remains our stance

And we hope you still endure

our blog posts sans substance.

South Indian Cooking 101


Ever since I was a little boy I have always enjoyed the south Indian cuisines(primarily dosa and idlis). This had many consequences. Paying good money on different manifestations of rice instead of real food had always irked my dad and the constant harassment of my mom to improve her sambhar preparations was followed by threats of marrying me off to a madrasi (it is a well known fact that anyone India living below the imaginary line somewhere in Maharashtra is called a madrasi by those living above it. In our defence it all used to be the Madras at one point of time. If i am hurting any sentiments, especially of those who routinely invite me for great meals of sambhar, rasam, kozhumbu, etc, please consider me an ignorant fool, and skip this post  🙂 )

Back to the work at hand.

Well who would have guessed that I would land in the state of Tamil Nadu and also spend more than half a decade here. And even after having more than my share of dosas, idlis, etc I still have a curry leaf tooth.

Well one thing  that dawned upon me, (specially when I saw Wig’s “cooking” ) was that dilution factors is the key to understanding what is being made. Not only did this observation help in making that distinction between sambhar and kozhumbu but it also led to another discovery, namely the interconvertability of most south indian dishes.

I have finally compiled a ready reference for this purpose:

So in conclusion: 1. Most recipes can be derivatised from other recipes

2. No amount of dilution or addition of water in any recipe can be used to make coconut chutney

3. It is difficult to screw up the meal since any mistake would lead to atleast one of the alternative recipes.

Special note from the author: In case of beginners who have just started cooking or incase of veteran screwups like Wigs, it is highly recommended that you download the reference chart, print a copy and keep it in the kitchen at a convenient location. Alternatively, you can order your official WAM signed copy of the reference chart. We accept all major credit cards, cash, loose change, things which look like loose change, whatever is in you pocket, pack of chocolate biscuits, half eaten packs of chocolate biscuits, the wrapper of chocolate biscuits (in case the cover has some cream on it and is not extremely soiled. minor dirt is acceptable), forcing 3 of your friends to become our fans.

Of all the things that suck


” You suck!” – a simple statement with many profound and non-profound implications. And unless you say it to a vacuum cleaner, the target of this statement will often be offended.

Though we arbitrarily have created our own personalized list of things/people/places/other proper/common nouns that suck( and in some instances ,suck big time ) there is no clear comparison on the absolute degree of suckitude. To clarify on this point let us take a simple example: We know Wigs sucks but if he is put against a vacuum cleaner, a plunger and the operating system he uses, how would he do on the relative scale.*(In my humble opinion he’d score an ‘S’ **)

As usual we provide you with a solution to this problem( cause we’re so nice)

This solution has been aptly named the CrapMeister series( as a tribute to a similar sounding name of a series which tells bio geeks like us which salt to use to precipitate a protein <expected wikipedia link to be inserted here by Wig(or he really does suck )>

Crap Meister Series:

Note : The position of Wigs has been omitted in the series to prevent a possible uncomfortable situation( i.e him crying like a pussy)

Industrial strength Vacuum pumps >>> Vacuum cleaner >> Wigs > Windows 7 > that boy who stole my lunch box, school diary and pencil box on the same day when i was in the 1st grade > PlungerThe Twilight series(don’t even wonder if i’m talking about the books or the movies..just go jump in a well or something if that thought even entered your head) Finding you have a flat tire on a monday morning > Getting a positive negative control in your carefully planned experiment(for non geeks this won’t make sense or matter)

> Random email forwards> people who send you random email forwards > Airtel network when you really need to make a call > Airtel network when they need to make  a call to you  to sell off  a hit new song in a regional language as a caller tune >

>(List shal be continued)

** Years of research has shown that relative grading is the best method of evaluation. It was truly a jem of a research work(if you know what i mean. Hopefully U don’t or we could get into trouble)

Eggsactly


In this session I would be inflicting another random idea on you. Yes you! But before we start I would like to confess that this post is a result of the absence of anything being put up on similar lines since a long time. (Did that sentence leave u confused? Read on) And I would further like to clarify that it is neither my wish nor intention to subject you to what i call “post traumatic post disorder”. Anyway I guess the tittle might have given you guys a hint about what this is going to be on( actually I am sure you guys have no clue where this is going..well neither do I). So lets see what we end up with here.

The problem which this post shall try to address immediately is an ancient one. Many a sage and wise-men have pondered upon it and the problem itself transcends all culture, ideologies and geographies.That fundamental problem is ……………………….

What came first? The chicken or the Egg?

Before we start it is customary to introduce the subjects of the problem first. But since I think everyone knows what a chicken and an egg are I shall move on.(Though if you are really that dumb you can click on the hyper-linked text. And if you really really are that dumb you would not realize that its actually just underlined text and would go on clicking.)

Although a preliminary and satisfying solution states that whatever you place the order for first comes first, it obviously is not satisfactory to the intelligent such as yourself(seriously! stop clicking “chicken” and “Egg”).

Based on our deductive reasoning we believe that it was indeed the chicken that came first. Even though Darwin might have come to the same conclusion based on his theories, the approach we use to arrive at our conclusion is radically different. Our studies into the dynamics that would control the coming of the chicken or the egg helped us understand that this problem was interlinked with another which was as old and equally fundamental. I am sure now it would have dawned upon you all the problem that I am referring to. It is indeed the great question of why the chicken crossed the road. Though the answer to this question is of extreme importance, it is actually the question itself that sheds some light onto the subject of whether it was indeed the chicken came first. It is reasonable to argue that if a question “Why the chicken crossed the road?” is as old as “What came first? the chicken or the egg?” it clearly shows that the chicken came first. This is because of the fact that if at all the egg did come first there would have been a similar question w.r.t the egg. Clearly there is none. Also once we have established that it was indeed the chicken that came first,it may also be extrapolated that the chicken might have crossed the road to lay an egg on the other side.

<Abrupt end???>

The answer, of course is No <wigs signing back in, after a rather long hiatus>. There’s more for you to ponder upon. Don’t you want to know if the sole question behind this post (asking if the chicken came first or the egg) is valid? How would you feel if I told you that the very assumption behind this discussion, the vary basis that the chicken comes from the egg and the egg comes from the chicken was false? <intensify background music, much like in the film Independence day> What if there was an alternate answer to that question. Life is full of them. Life is all crap, and so is this post. However, we cannot ignore the fact that we might be thinking of something that is based on a false pretence. So face it. Do you know if the chicken came from the egg or if the egg came from the chicken? The answer will blow you off!

Let me explain how with the help of a neat flow chart (long live good ‘ol Microsoft for having invented MS office, and more so importantly Microsoft CLIP ARTS – I owe a lot to them, and I claim no rights over any clip art of theirs I might have used – they all belong to Microsoft Corporation). Back to our serious discussion (much like in Tamil masala movies wherein there’s a comedy scene right in between two serious make-or-break scenes). We do know that an egg comes from a chicken. But the truth that will shake you out, the truth that will make you shit bricks, the truth that will make you give away all you’ve believed, is that a chicken does not come out of an egg. It is a chick that is born out of an egg, and not a chicken. Now you might rotate your head like Eric Cartman, going “No…,” but shake out, wake up and understand the simple ‘flow’ of things:

Simply explained

So now I’m sure your very faith in humanity has been lost. You might want to stop me with an Eric Cartman like “Noooooo,” which he uttered when he imagines a world in which he must speak in minority slang, is paid lower wages, and eventually forced to live in a confinement camp.

<the real Abrupt End>

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Happy Birth”D’oh” to you!


Just to wish our favourite family a happy (slightly belated) 20 seasons. Hope we have a lot more of the Simpsons. There is a little bit of the simpsons in all of us (a whole lot more in some as compared to others).

Simpsons 20

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Fly me to the Moon


First of all this is nothing to do with Chandrayaan or the recent US twin crashes on the moon in the search of water. Now with that clarified I think i’l start another mindless yet insightful post:

As I expected the moment I left Vellore behind my brain cells again fired up and sprang back to life(resulting in this). The short flight back home was enough to sow the seeds of what is about to be presented to you. It all started when the guy next to me asked for a newspaper to read on the flight and was politely turned down(This seems to happen everytime on every “low cost” carrier) .It is only then that I understood the real plight of cheap airlines to make end meet. I thus assumed it was some of my business to offer some advice to help these poor souls out. This is some I could come up with. After I saw that this actualy forms a neat list it was almost stupid not to put it up on the blog(As I usually tell vignesh- totally blogable shit) . Too bad for you guys though . So here it is:

1) Instead of so much cabin crew passengers can take turns serving water and the “light snacks” that are offered.

2)People with laptops would be asked to give up their laptops which would be used to provide inflight entertainment. The movie would be ideally charged between 40 to 100 buks .

3)Water would be provided as bottled water(charged) or free “normal” water( free). As usual free water would be consumed a lot because of this since its free stuff but that would be instrumental for the next step.

4)Make the loo a pay toilet where the price can be decided on the amount of free water the passenger has had.

5)In case any passenger is also a registered pilot he would be pushed into the cockpit and instructed to fly the plain. That would also keep regular pilots on their toes with their jobs being threatened like that.

Disclaimer: This is not to hurt the sentiments of cabin crew, pilots or other people involved with low cost carriers. They ensure my quick home visits home can happen semi affordably. Though it is targeted to cause brain damage to whoever is dumb enough to keep visiting this blog.