Tag Archives: plain stupid

Some wood, please


Both muscles and I are hardcore fans of science. All forms of it: be it amateur, self-indulgent, experienced or even nasty. So while we applaud the noble nobel and watch in amazement at the Ig-Nobels, we do ponder at the efforts of several who startle us with their sheer genius. Take this for example, a comprehensive study on fellatio prolonging copulation time in fruit bats. Needless to say, I did not feel the excitation to read further, despite the free-full-text exposure made by both PLOS-One and PubMedCentral (you should try out their new Pubreader btw – its really good).

But something else aroused our curiosity today, and with dampened spirits, we got discussing about another article. It deals with the perception of male attractiveness by some women in Australia and the correlation to the size of  the penis. Yes, Penis. And this paper was in the PNAS, so don’t get confused between the two. So we had read the abstract, and it led to a rather long discussion. I now present on to you, the “full length” of it:

W: Oh and dude, I found an article which was fifty thousand times worse than the bat blowjob paper.

M: Really? What, bats in a devil’s three-way?

W: No, this one’s about a correation between penis size and male attractiveness. And here’s how did they did it: they simulated male manequins on computers using a 3d generation software, projected them on a wall, had women of various age groups rate the attractiveness, and then they correlated attractiveness to penis size.

M: So did they do a double blind?

W: No, but they published it here: http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2013/04/03/1219361110.

M: this got published in PNAS? 😮 They’re total d**ks. Oh wait… right!

M: Good by Japan… Hello Australia! (In line with our great appreciation of Japanese research to venture out into similar (what we feel) useless research)

W: Yes, there’s a stiff competition.

M: Yeah..and it gets harder every day! So  does the paper cum to a conclusion?

W: Yes, but sooner than later. Rather premature, I must admit!

W: Oh wait, they even have supplemental material.

M: So they were premature, even on supplements.

W: Yup, despite the supplements, I don’t think they penetrated deep enough into the subject.

M: Well I think they discussed it in length and must have wanted to put the whole thing behind. But putting it in PNAs is just blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

W: Now it seems more like they are soliciting the stuff to Canada. The author who came first in the paper has shifted across the globe.

M: Maybe he was looking for a better position. Or this wasnt really his thrust area.

W: I never thought P’NaS would get so desperate to put their stuff into any void space in research.

M: Yes this would probably help him to get on top of things now.

W: But looking at the paper, it seemed to me like the women were the ones on top.

M: That seems hard to swallow.

… and with that we ended our review of the links between Australian research, penis length (simulated) and their attractiveness to women.

P.S.: I recently upgraded to the google hangout experience on gmail. And it rather sucks when we need to copy conversations for recreational purposes such as this.

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SNACKS ON A PLANE


Air travel, statistically the safest and most boring way of travel. I don’t know whether it’s the recycled air or the fact that the the captain changes his mind  every minute whether it’s better to keep the seat belts on or off, but I have always preferred the trains to the planes. As a rule of thumb, the seat belt sign can be expected to be turned on right when your bladder thinks enough is enough. Or it could be the other way round and it could be almost like a Pavlovian response that whenever the seat belt sign is “on” you feel like you have to answer nature’s call. Anyway…I digress as usual. Today’s agenda in about airline food. Contrary to the popular opinion that airline food is bad (something which is similar to ” the mess food is always bad” condition), I quite enjoy it.

All that was about to change this time as I embarked on my most recent journey aboard a plane bound from Calcutta to New Delhi via Chennai via Bangalore (they do run them like private buses. I inquired at the airport once why does the board say the plane is going to Bangalore and not Delhi, the response to which reminded me of one of my Dad’s jokes that I have heard too many times to count. Thus I will not share it here to preserve whatever sanity that is left. Anyone interested to hear it can let me know ). It wasn’t the food as such. I must say that the Chicken Junglee Sandwich was quite worth the 190 buks I spent on it  (there IndiGo, here’s your precious costumer feedback! Now stop sending me those darn emails). Usually I concentrate on food and not on its packaging.  But this time, as I was already a scholar of the in flight menu and knew the in flight magazine by heart, I began to observe the packing of the sandwich ( I must mention here that I did eat the sandwich and washed it down with an Ice tea way before I found the packing interesting. I finished it before Samuel MF Jackson could say  ” I’ve had it with these motherf**** snacks on this motherf*** plane ! (-adapted from the epic movie Snakes on a Plane)).

It is then that I realized that what I had just eaten was not the Chicken Junglee Sandwich at all. No..it was something completely different..never could I have imagined that what I had just filled my stomach with was not a sandwich…it was instead an AIRWICH !!! Now just when I had thought all of reality was crumbling around me and I was about to be sucked into an alternate dimension or ,as the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons would put it, Bizaro World, it was the package that saved me. On the side of the panel was a narrative, which oddly enough seemed to be inspired from a amalgamation of several Bollywood story lines involving twins separated in childhood in the Kumbh mela (Kumbh mela is a the auspicious festival of bathing in the river Ganga that occurs every 4 years in the city of Allahabad , much like the Olympics or the cricket world cup, just not that entertaining. For those who are wondering when the Olympics or the cricket world cup was held in Allahabad, please stop reading this blog from now. Our job here is done).

Well continuing with the story, which was written in Hindi in the Devanagari script (a cheap way to irritate South Indians and North Indians alike). The story spoke of (and I shit you not, I have the box still and can send a scanned copy to those of little faith) two brothers the Airwich and the Sandwich that were separated from each other in the Kumbh mela. Airwich was adopted by a pilot and became a pilot while the Sandwich was abducted by bandits and taken to the famous desert of Chambal and hence turned to a life of crime. One day while Airwich was flying over the sand of Chambal, he saw the Sandwich and instantly realized it was his lost brother.He dropped a letter for him and the Sandwich wrote his reply in the sand for the Airwich to see. Though both wanted to meet each other they could not due to the fact that the Sandwich was on the ground and the Airwich was always in the sky. But though they never met it is said that the messages can still be seen in the sands of Chambal. <story ends>. Now I don’t know what to make of this..either someone got really drunk and thought of this and someone got even more drunk and approved of it or someone should make a movie on it and see what happens to it (well everyone thought Snakes on a plane would turn out bad but did it?…..NO IT DID NOT!). But that was just one side of the packing. While I was still recovering from this heart warming/irritating/ slightly spooky(?) story I saw that the other sides and flap of the packing also had somethings on it. (Such powers of observation are usually not something I am known for. I am usually a ignorant and hence blissful idiot.) On one of the side there was a section entitled (again in hindi) ” Dimagi Kasrat” or Mental exercise. A more fitting name would be mental torture ( I must say some of the   riddles did border on things not really approved by the human rights charter.. exibit A :multiply 3454545 x 355899545 without a calculator). And finally when I thought the worst is over I see a small song on the flap of the cover (which I don’t think there is any sense in translating here).

The only thing I learnt from this was to just get an Ice tea next time and carry my own parathas.

<abrupt end?>

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How To Bypass the Petrol Price Hike- A simple guide brought to you by W&M


Well the title goes like this “How To Bypass the Petrol Price Hike- A simple guide brought to you by W&M”

So not a lot of mystery in this blog post. But if “mystery” is your cup of tea/coffee/lemonade/milk, you might want to check this out (no we aren’t spamming).

So I do feel that the whole country is upset about the petrol price hike and things like a partial roll back and slashing of petrol car prices just doesnt cut it for most. The worst affected are the poor auto guys who were already dealing with the problem of petrol contracting in volume during night times to almost half its volume (why else would they charge double the price after 8 pm). The poor guys also do not have enough money to repair their meters. But anyway, my ode to the auto rikshaw fellows will be another one and without any other diversions I shal take to the one way road that this blog post is…(ensoi)..

1. Convert your vehicle into a share auto. Yeah, its possible. Just make sure you keep all the openable doors open and cram as many people you can on the way to work/whatever. On good days you might be able to cover your whole travel expense and on better days you might make a buk or two, especially if you manage to get an extra four passengers such as the triple-A share auto guy below:

2.Buy a diesel car. Ok that was a no brainer..but then you’d be hit by the rising cost in diesel. Same would happpen if you shift to CNG.

3. Use the bicycle. Well most people would think this advice works only for people living in small towns and villages( read vellore). It could’nt be further from the truth. A bicycle when harnessed to a motorised vehicle can get you anywhere at no cost.. ofcourse if you dont grab onto the vehicle well enough the cost may envolve a limb or two..but hey..thats no biggie. Plus, we got some great ideas in modifying your bicycle to accommodate more of your family folks:

Well the bike in the picture does look motorized. This one is an electronic version, and you can check out our upcoming book for instructions on how to convert your bicycle to seat three.

4. Become an MP/MLA. This will solve a lot more problems than just the petrol hike. But I personaly dnt recommend it.

Well politics has its own pros and cons. More of cons of course. But as long as you are the conner, you ought not to worry about being conned.

5.  Cheap tricks. Based on the mileage that your vehicle gives calculate how much more you would be paying per km since the petrol hike. Now determine how many km would you need to drive less to make the amount of money spent on conveyence to remain the same.

e.g

If you travelled at 10 km/L  . Assuming the cost of petrol at X you would have spent Rs. X/10 per km. Now that the cost of petrol has become X+Y  you would be spending Rs (X+Y)/10. An increase of Rs Y/10. So let us assume you travelled z km earlier the total cost earlier would be zx/10. To keep the cost constant after the price hike you would have to travel some distance lesser (d). So determine ‘d’ by this formula:

zx/10  = (z-d)(x+y)/10

–>  zx/10= zx/10+zy/10-d(x+y)/10

–> (zy/10)-d(x+y)/10=0

–>zy-dx-dy=0

–>d= zy(x+y)          where you shud substitute x and y that are initial petrol price and increase respectively.

Now you basically ask people at different places to push your car some distance making some excuse like the engine stalled on you/ the battery is dead etc and make sure the total distance is equal to ‘d’. So thats it..problem solved..

Or alternatively, you can follow the following equation to get a better calculation accurate to the nearest centimeter:

thats all the time we have today folks.. till next time.. happy driving…

from W&M- commited to driving you mad.

P.S.: Picture credits here, herehere, here and here.

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anti anti smoking smoking campaign campaign


Here’s how the title is to be read:

Smoking

As you might have heard, smoking-smoking is very bad for health. And smoking smoking-smoking does more harm. But campaigning against it is just lame.

No, I’m not pro-smoking, although thank you for smoking is one of my favourites. Personally I don’t like the smell of cigarette smoke, but that’s besides the point. If you want to tell the masses that smoking is harmful, you do it like I do (don’t think muscles is going to agree on this one, and hence can’t use a we): “Smoking isn’t good: indulge if you really don’t care.” Not that you’re going to go to heaven after reading through our blog, so what harm is a little more indulgence going to do?

In the not-so-distant past, I had the opportunity to witness one of those epic events: an anti-smoking rally! People put up banners all over the place, they run around from one end to another screaming “don’t smoke”. And after it’s all over, the chief organizing dude finds the nearest fag shop to chill after a busy day. Sigh!

And as muscles would say, “if you really care about making people healthier, ban sugar.” Obesity is one of the biggest problems we, and unfortunately (?!) the other author of this blog is marching towards it steady. If implemented, we might get to the point where sugar, free doughnuts might no longer be available.

Coming to the rather delicate issue of smoking causing cancer, here’s my analysis: cancer researchers don’t have 1. the results to show one thing leading to cancer, and 2. the time to run anti-smoking campaigns.

So let’s try figuring out what kind of idiots who run these campaigns. I’ve come up with a bunch of theories, all with equal credibility:

  1. Someone who’s utterly jobless, and is craving for media attention
  2. Someone who has enough minions under and has nothing better to do
  3. Someone who’s lost a loved one thanks to smoking (seriously?!)
  4. Someone who doesn’t fit into any of the above categories, but is still utterly bored

There, a classic a, b, c, none of the above question – for all those wishing to prepare for some competitive examination. Though I would like to say more on this, I’m finding this pretty boring myself. So if you’re having such a miserable diwali that you had to sit and read through our blog, I feel sorry for you.

Don’t forget to visit our all new updated home page (yes it gets updated after every post)! Cheers! 😀

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Blogging sans Substance


Recently while continuing with our grand experiment that is wigsandmuscles I was able to see a pattern emerging. The blog has finally become self sufficient, i.e. we get 5 people everyday (I am wondering if its the same group everyday, or maybe that hypnosis post worked – I always knew it would). So we decided that the next post would only come when we hit zero visitors (which hasn’t happened yet).

So now that the experiment is finally making one thing clear: You don’t need substance to make your blog work. More importantly it made us put up this post. And now that we have acquired enough skill in blogging without skill we present to you the fruits of this experiment>>

  1. Crap sells, solid gold platted crap sells more.
  2. Making gramatical mistakes is a good way of acquiring a fan base.
  3. One must be able to link blog posts to other blogs which write on “issues” and have “substance”. Hell, to me blogs riding on substance is equivalent to substance abuse.
  4. Bugging people more than once works wonders to get more visitors.
  5. Pasting random funny gtalk conversations is a great way to fill space: also some of the convo’s are just too funny.

Exibit A:

Fan: am reading ur blog
me: which one?
Fan: y dont find sponsors for it and earn some extra cash on the side with W&M
me: oh. are u a prospective buyer?
Fan: buyer of what? ad space?
me: merchendise?
Fan: silly. sell ad space on ur blog
me: oh yes, but how?

Some things are still not clear to us and are open for discussions:

  • Random spurt in number of people visiting our blog.
  • No visitors on days having a full moon (We have a were wolf theory we’re working on).
  • People finding our blog funny/witty/amusing.
  • People complaing that our most recent blog lacked the usual quality (Quality????) or that it wasn’t as funny (funny???).
  • People aspiring to write like W&M. This ones a real doozy (wigs almost collapsed, and I almost caught him).
  • Wig’s personal blog hitting a record high, primarily due to cheap marketing skills like sending bulk e-mail forwards.
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Why have people stopped having human flues?


Its official. The major threat to the human race this year is the  swine flu ,and pigs fly. It seems mass hysteria over flus is the latest trend and since bird flu is as dead as a dodo there is a new one for us to fear. What is more of a pain than the flu itself is the thought that the Indian government is doing more than usual to screen people from Europe for the virus(which is sucky news for people coming home soon).

But there is no escaping it. The hysteria is real (even if the threat is not). And in the industry of biology one is more affected by such news(for eg . Recently we were gifted with a primer for the swine flu virus by mistake instead of the primer we ordered for. Before I could convince my boss how i could use that to “diversify” my “research” I was told that it had already been returned.Soon enough we got the right primer(read:boring) for our gene.)

 At times like these I am reminded of Darwin and his theory of evolution(a theory he formulated on a trip to the gallapagos islands.Years later I formulated the same theory independently after a bottle of MGM Vodka).Actualy most things remind me of evolution(its an OCD now i think).So one should stop to think if this an omen. Maybe humans are progressing towards becoming a pig like species.The recent “outbreak” of the dreaded swine flu is but the last straw which broke the proverbial camel’s back..more suttle hints were already evident:

1)Sankalp’s room can put any pig pen to shame.

2)Most of the “honorable” members of my No 1 university have close physical resemblance to pigs..whats more close is their thought process.

3)The apes in the movie “Planet of the Apes ” looked a lot like pigs..(atleast to me)

4)Odd grunting sounds made by my brother while finishing a tub of chocolate ice cream

Atleast these are good indicators that might hint on why the virus found it so easy to cross over..other theories are welcome too

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Entangled


We at wigs and muscles, have been having tought times lateley. The website which showed amazing stats for our opening three weeks has been suffering from terribly-low-visitors syndrome lately. So we decided that it’s time we test our creativity again. After much discussion/debate/failed-posts-by-muscles, we have decided that a new experiment is to be attempted! Like forming a new kind of a flowchart, or a flow-web as we’d like to now name it for it varies from the stereotypic definition.

A flowchart is a common type of chart, that represents an algorithm or process, showing the steps as boxes of various kinds, and their order by connecting these with arrows. Flowcharts are used in analyzing, designing, documenting or managing a process or program in various fields. – wikipedia.

So enjoy the entangled web below, and see if you can make sense out of it. If in case you do, the chart shows you where you are to head next. Cheers!

web

The above (master)piece is copywrited material – you do not just copy-paste it in one of your assignments.

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