Tag Archives: stupid research

Some wood, please


Both muscles and I are hardcore fans of science. All forms of it: be it amateur, self-indulgent, experienced or even nasty. So while we applaud the noble nobel and watch in amazement at the Ig-Nobels, we do ponder at the efforts of several who startle us with their sheer genius. Take this for example, a comprehensive study on fellatio prolonging copulation time in fruit bats. Needless to say, I did not feel the excitation to read further, despite the free-full-text exposure made by both PLOS-One and PubMedCentral (you should try out their new Pubreader btw – its really good).

But something else aroused our curiosity today, and with dampened spirits, we got discussing about another article. It deals with the perception of male attractiveness by some women in Australia and the correlation to the size of  the penis. Yes, Penis. And this paper was in the PNAS, so don’t get confused between the two. So we had read the abstract, and it led to a rather long discussion. I now present on to you, the “full length” of it:

W: Oh and dude, I found an article which was fifty thousand times worse than the bat blowjob paper.

M: Really? What, bats in a devil’s three-way?

W: No, this one’s about a correation between penis size and male attractiveness. And here’s how did they did it: they simulated male manequins on computers using a 3d generation software, projected them on a wall, had women of various age groups rate the attractiveness, and then they correlated attractiveness to penis size.

M: So did they do a double blind?

W: No, but they published it here: http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2013/04/03/1219361110.

M: this got published in PNAS? 😮 They’re total d**ks. Oh wait… right!

M: Good by Japan… Hello Australia! (In line with our great appreciation of Japanese research to venture out into similar (what we feel) useless research)

W: Yes, there’s a stiff competition.

M: Yeah..and it gets harder every day! So  does the paper cum to a conclusion?

W: Yes, but sooner than later. Rather premature, I must admit!

W: Oh wait, they even have supplemental material.

M: So they were premature, even on supplements.

W: Yup, despite the supplements, I don’t think they penetrated deep enough into the subject.

M: Well I think they discussed it in length and must have wanted to put the whole thing behind. But putting it in PNAs is just blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

W: Now it seems more like they are soliciting the stuff to Canada. The author who came first in the paper has shifted across the globe.

M: Maybe he was looking for a better position. Or this wasnt really his thrust area.

W: I never thought P’NaS would get so desperate to put their stuff into any void space in research.

M: Yes this would probably help him to get on top of things now.

W: But looking at the paper, it seemed to me like the women were the ones on top.

M: That seems hard to swallow.

… and with that we ended our review of the links between Australian research, penis length (simulated) and their attractiveness to women.

P.S.: I recently upgraded to the google hangout experience on gmail. And it rather sucks when we need to copy conversations for recreational purposes such as this.

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How To Bypass the Petrol Price Hike- A simple guide brought to you by W&M


Well the title goes like this “How To Bypass the Petrol Price Hike- A simple guide brought to you by W&M”

So not a lot of mystery in this blog post. But if “mystery” is your cup of tea/coffee/lemonade/milk, you might want to check this out (no we aren’t spamming).

So I do feel that the whole country is upset about the petrol price hike and things like a partial roll back and slashing of petrol car prices just doesnt cut it for most. The worst affected are the poor auto guys who were already dealing with the problem of petrol contracting in volume during night times to almost half its volume (why else would they charge double the price after 8 pm). The poor guys also do not have enough money to repair their meters. But anyway, my ode to the auto rikshaw fellows will be another one and without any other diversions I shal take to the one way road that this blog post is…(ensoi)..

1. Convert your vehicle into a share auto. Yeah, its possible. Just make sure you keep all the openable doors open and cram as many people you can on the way to work/whatever. On good days you might be able to cover your whole travel expense and on better days you might make a buk or two, especially if you manage to get an extra four passengers such as the triple-A share auto guy below:

2.Buy a diesel car. Ok that was a no brainer..but then you’d be hit by the rising cost in diesel. Same would happpen if you shift to CNG.

3. Use the bicycle. Well most people would think this advice works only for people living in small towns and villages( read vellore). It could’nt be further from the truth. A bicycle when harnessed to a motorised vehicle can get you anywhere at no cost.. ofcourse if you dont grab onto the vehicle well enough the cost may envolve a limb or two..but hey..thats no biggie. Plus, we got some great ideas in modifying your bicycle to accommodate more of your family folks:

Well the bike in the picture does look motorized. This one is an electronic version, and you can check out our upcoming book for instructions on how to convert your bicycle to seat three.

4. Become an MP/MLA. This will solve a lot more problems than just the petrol hike. But I personaly dnt recommend it.

Well politics has its own pros and cons. More of cons of course. But as long as you are the conner, you ought not to worry about being conned.

5.  Cheap tricks. Based on the mileage that your vehicle gives calculate how much more you would be paying per km since the petrol hike. Now determine how many km would you need to drive less to make the amount of money spent on conveyence to remain the same.

e.g

If you travelled at 10 km/L  . Assuming the cost of petrol at X you would have spent Rs. X/10 per km. Now that the cost of petrol has become X+Y  you would be spending Rs (X+Y)/10. An increase of Rs Y/10. So let us assume you travelled z km earlier the total cost earlier would be zx/10. To keep the cost constant after the price hike you would have to travel some distance lesser (d). So determine ‘d’ by this formula:

zx/10  = (z-d)(x+y)/10

–>  zx/10= zx/10+zy/10-d(x+y)/10

–> (zy/10)-d(x+y)/10=0

–>zy-dx-dy=0

–>d= zy(x+y)          where you shud substitute x and y that are initial petrol price and increase respectively.

Now you basically ask people at different places to push your car some distance making some excuse like the engine stalled on you/ the battery is dead etc and make sure the total distance is equal to ‘d’. So thats it..problem solved..

Or alternatively, you can follow the following equation to get a better calculation accurate to the nearest centimeter:

thats all the time we have today folks.. till next time.. happy driving…

from W&M- commited to driving you mad.

P.S.: Picture credits here, herehere, here and here.

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6 worst inventions since the Industrial revolution


Well this post could be called a continuation of muscles’ 10 best inventions. Here’s my list of 6 worst inventions. I really don’t know if they date back to the dawn of time. I couldn’t think of more to make it a round number, and this post has been rotting in the drafts section for quite some time. These inventions really don’t have any priority over one another – just that they all are crappy in my opinion.

Toilet paper

If you’re an Indian and are accustomed to years of using a health faucet (a.k.a. a bum-washer), you’d loathe toilet papers! For one, they burn under certain conditions. Furthermore, when they go empty, this is what happens:

Picture courtesy extreme funny humor here. Here’s our next contestant.

Facebook quizzes

quiz

What the?! They’re everywhere! And yes, we’ve written enough about that earlier on this glorious blog-post. We even have our own celebrated wigsandmuscles quiz which you can take here. Thanks to my good friend Srivatsan (a.k.a. Malli) for taking this yet-another-ridiculable-quiz (see picture above). Moving on, here’s what’s next on the list:

Short messaging service

Never heard of it?! It’s also called SMS. The darned thing’s screwed English royally!

sms
The language some people use while texting (or SMSing for the uneducated) is so difficult to comprehend that it almost competes with our blog in inflicting pain. Good try – you’re nothing more than a mention up this site, short messaging service. Hmph. And next we have,

wigsandmuscles

wm-vig

Seriously, this is definitely one of the worst things that’s happened to mankind, and we’re magnanimous enough to admit it. Furthermore, this shows that we’re living in a small world – what shines in one blog-post sucks in another. Also proves things have their bright sides and dark halves. Moving on, the next worst invention being

Digital camera

One of man’s biggest vices. The digital camera era has almost put an end to printing photos, and we’ve long lost the happiness we get in looking into printed pictures. Plus (or palas, as Patna Shiva would put it), people just go mad buying cameras with high resolutions, and then go buying external hard-discs to store that data – what for is still a mystery. If you aren’t going to print pictures, why on earth do you need all those high-resolution images?! And here’s our celebrated celibrity entry:

Net trapping system for capturing a robber immediately

trap

Kuo Cheng Hsieh’s amazing system ought to make capturing bank-robbers cost effective. After all, who needs all those high-end closed circuit cameras and alarms?! And mind you, this dude got this patented in 2001, and also won an IgNobel award for it.

That’s about it for this list. And a gentle reminder to you, we’re up on facebook and you can become a fan of ours so that you’d be updated with new posts all the time! Happy reading!

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    Dude! Where’s my Carb ? : The weightloss guide


    Time to cash in on the craze. People have always tried to find ways to stay in shape. And most of the times they are fleeced into taking stupid advices and go to any extent to achieve the perfect shape…so we decided to try our luck and put forward some of our own “remedies” with guarenteed “results” :

    1) The Amazing Neck Flex :

    Head exercise

    • This simple excercise has been found most effective. It is as follows- Sit in a relaxed position. Then move your head to the left side. Then move it to the right. And repeat.
    • Do this excersise whenever someone offers you food. The results would be outstanding!

    2) The Liquid and See food diet

    Beer belly

    • Well do not be confused. It is’nt the liquid and sea food diet. It is the liquid and see food diet.Liquids may include water but other liquids such as vodka, beer (oh i think i mentioned water before), whiskey work better. See food includes any food that you may see. People would be amazed by your new perfect figure( In my defence, a  Sphere is a perfect 3 dimensional figure)

    3) The Einstein E=MC^2 technique

    • This method was described by some theoretical physicists (ok..it was me ).Its simple and anyone with an advanced course in physics would just see that. It goes like this: instead of eating healthy and losing weight what one can do alternatively is gorge on chocolates ,ice cream and potato chips. When this happens there is an exponential increase in your weight. Assuming a constant gravitaional acceleration the weight increase can be corelated to your actual mass.
    • Once you gain enough mass the gravitational force generated by you would be enough to bend space-time around you and hence also light. It doesn’t take a scientist to figure out the result of that..since light bends around you you look perfectly slim ..
    • (A word of caution..an alternate theory also suggests you might turn into a black hole and suck everything to the point of singularity…Hell, either ways you won’t have to worry about your flab!..aka win win situation)

    Now for those people who want to look slim without the efforts i present the cheap tricks to look slim without doing anything:

    1. If under 16 years of age: Wear your Dad’s clothes. If over 16 make your unique sense of fashion to be wearing small tents .You can always tell people how comfortable they are.
    2. Befriend  really fat people and always stay with them.
    3. Get yourself a giant Teddy bear and insist that you love it and take it everywhere you go.(Doesn’t realy work well for guys though..but your free to try your luck)
    4. Get a boyfriend/girlfriend who is atleast three times your bodyweight

    Hope this solves your worries..

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    Booze: The Centrestage of the Central Dogma


    I know i know…another blog dealing with alcohol..and no we arn’t alcoholics.Just the social drinking(since man is a social animal). And even though we din’t want any blogs on alcohol while we were blogging sobre there were some experiments conducted which gave results so compelling that it would be realy a shame if it is not told to the world.So here goes nothing..

    Well the objective of the experiment was as simple as making cDNA from RNA(actually it was exactly that..for non bio geeks this would be a good time to click on the tiny X at the right hand extreme corner of ur screen)

    What made an interesting result was that after isolating the “RNA” which was mostly ethanol(something called the 260/230 ratio..too less and all u have is ethanol) it was decided not to throw away the sample and proceed to making cDNA from it(which sounded extremely optimistic to a few..only the true believers stand up for this kinda thing).

    And in the end cDNA was made..better than usual.Which lead to the following conclusions:

    1)Ethanol is the stuff of life.

    2)It is’nt by coincidence that alcoholic beverages are called spirits.(same as point 1)

    3)The central dogma as we thought it was finally proved experimentaly:

        Ethanol–>RNA–>DNA–>Protein–>People–>Society–>Social drinking

    And as always “I rest my case.” Me too.

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    The Psychology of Psychos


    Ever occur to you why we even started this blog?

    Was it the urge to be heard? Was it out of desperation to kill time? Was it due to the chronic need to be a pain in the ass of all those people we have contact with electronically?

    Yes,it was all these things.But beyond that there was a greater need. A need which was eating us from the inside.A need which U also feel…a Need so complex it needs a whole blog post to explain…This one

    We all know the world around us is crazy..(i do,assumed u also know this) and whats more crazy is the people who knowing this still believe that the world is highly systematic and everything is in its rightful place. I don’t believe that the world is a mirage or there is a matrix we all need to wake up from. But just to be sure we try the oldest trick in the book..Reverse psychology

    So the whole blog is an experiment (Yes a grand one at that.Wer’nt you guys missing the experimental sections here). We figure that by staying in a world which is crazy yet believed to be sane we can only find some meaning by being and saying things that are absolutely crazy.Since they are excepted as crazy the only conclusions that you can get from them may be sane…And though I know a lot of people reading his blog will just forget about it ..and a lot of people wont even read this I would like to share the divine truth that we are slowly uncovering thru it. And that divine truth is that this blog is Just for fun,our fun..not yours.

    In the words of Nelson,

    nelson-haha

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    An Ode to Alcohol: FAQ


    Lets start with a joke here:

    What do u call an ode to alcohol made by two people? A diode.

    See I am not a sadist. If I was that would have been the end of the blog post with the joke.But since we have reached the unthinkable feet of gettin almost a hundred people to read our crap in the last two days (and an even greater feet of not getin a single exernal comment on any of our posts so far..take a hint) I am obliged to post some meaningful text here. That doesnt necessarily mean that I will…bt in the mean time have fun reading more junk:

    Wig: So here’s my contribution (in a different colour) to make this ode a di-ode. 😀 Keep reading, you won’t be disappointed.

    The following are FAQ on drinking..read them ..they might be the concise text u might be lookin for to know it all

    1) Is beer an alcoholic beverage?

    Ans) NO! and I know most people wont agree so I have proof which you can try out for yourself. The first proof is that it doesnt get you drunk.

    Wig: The guy who wrote the 2 lines on top has a serious health condition – he cannot get drunk. Alcohol just does not seem to stick to his body. I’m actually considering conducting some more tests and publishing it in the Annals of Improbable research. and who knows?! I might just bag the Ig Nobel prize one day.

    The second more experimental method is the following (even the above one is quiet practical..and my results have been repetitive). Fact:Alcohol burns.

    Experiment: While doing a barbeque try to increase the flame on the coal by pouring some beer on it from a bottle. The fire goes out.What might seem an anomoly is proof that beer is infact just a flovored water substitute.

    Wig: Now I’ve to support it. Alcohol burns, but this thing just wouldn’t – because there’s too much of non-alcohol stuff mixed with it.

    2) What are the advantages of drinking too much?

    Ans) Well most biology students would tell you that 70% alcohol is used as anti microbial.Also 75% alcohol helps in cleaning DNA in most isolation steps.So if you do drink 75% blood alcohol level it basically means :

    All the pathogens will die in your body ,which means they wont harm you. Also ur DNA will become realy clean so that take care of those genetic pain in the ass diseases(diabetes,cancer,etc)

    Wig: 75% alcohol in your blood also means you ARE DEAD. There’s no way you’re going to survive that much of alcohol, not even muscles. And I strongly recommend the following experiment suggested by muscles to be published in the Annals of stupid research. Come on! It’s plain studpid.

    And if that wasnt proof enough then I prescribe another easy to do experiment:

    Materials reqd: Alcohol(whiskey,rum preferable but doesnt matter) , A glass beaker , A worm

    Method: Take a glass beaker and fill it with half a bottle of rum. Put the worm in the beaker. Drink from the bottle half of the rum that was left while the worm slowly dies.

    So this is conclusive proof that if you drink rum you wont get worms.So it takes care of the parasitic diseases too.

    Wig: Like I said earlier, plain stupid.

    We all know about the good effects of Red wine so i dnt need to state those.

    Wig: Good effects of red wine, I must agree with muscles.

    3) Is it true that drinking Beer with a straw can get you drunk faster?

    Ans) Please read FAQ 1 again. No, it doesnt get you drunk faster.But doing that it might appear that you are drunk.

    4) Is it also true that having sugar over alcoholic drinks gives you a more of a high?

    Ans) Tried that. Din’t work.Din’t think it wud.

    Wig: Tried that. Works. Not just sugar, even chocolate helps. I believe it would work on humans. I am yet to find out to which species muscles belongs to.

    5) Is it ok to pay 7 euros for a bottle of beer?

    Ans) Only if you are in a foreign country and forget to ask about their prices before. Otherwise its stupid.

    Wig: Of course it isn’t okay to pay seven freaking bucks for a bottle of beer. Even if you’re in a foreign country; even if you forgot to ask about the prices; even if you’re stupid. Paying seven bucks for a bottle of beer is plain stupidity, come what may. And my co-authour is a living example of one.

    6) Which county has the greatest per capita consumption of beer?

    Ans) Czech Republic. You guys should be ashamed of yourselves.What ever happened to keepin India on top? Cummon..I’m doing my part

    Wig: I’m doing my part too. 😀 But who cares if they have the highest per capita consumption of beer. Drink it if you like it.

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